Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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