i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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