Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
