Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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