it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize