When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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