This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
