Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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