Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
