Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
