Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
