Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
