Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Panties = found
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