Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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