is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
