it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize