The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
