I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
