So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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