i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
