What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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