We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
