There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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