You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
