I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I would fuck him just for his dog
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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