Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
