Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
