Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
