Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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