Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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