yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
