dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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