theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
