you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
