my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
