okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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