I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
