bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
