I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
