i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
