You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
