I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
