i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
