I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
