So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize