Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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