she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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