How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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