she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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