The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
