I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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