She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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