Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Soap is not a condiment
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
