did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
