flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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