at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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