i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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