Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
