R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
