Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
