he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
