The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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