when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
