I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
