I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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