I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize