New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
