Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
