just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
