I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We need a shit load of segways right now
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
