Just fell off a train. Bad.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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