Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
