If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
