my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
