I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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