you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize