I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
