btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
