Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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