Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize