you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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