just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
