her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
