if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
