Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
