Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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