I've blown a few things in my day
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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