My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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