In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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