Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
