so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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