I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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