Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
