Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
