Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
