Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
