yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
