My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
