Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
