so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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