I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
