I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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