Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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