Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
