Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize